Review: 'Patricia Wants to Cuddle' by Samantha Allen

Reality TV shows are fascinating to me. On the one hand, I hate them because they're hardly ever really real or good. On the other hand, they're just delightful sometimes, aren't they? So when I saw Patricia Wants to Cuddle and its hilarious blurb I knew that I was in for a rollicking time. Thanks to Zando Projects and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Pub. Date: 6/28/2022
Publisher: Zando Projects

The contestants of a reality television dating show compete for love— and their lives— in this pulse-pounding and viciously funny fiction debut from the GLAAD Award-winning author of Real Queer America.

When the final four women in competition for an aloof, if somewhat sleazy, bachelor’s heart arrive on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, they mentally prepare themselves for another week of extreme sleep deprivation, invasive interviews, and of course, the salacious drama that viewers nationwide tune in to eagerly devour. Each woman came on “The Catch” for her own reasons— brand sponsorships, followers, and yes, even love— and they’ve all got their eyes steadfastly trained on their respective prizes.

Enter Patricia, a temperamental, but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island’s tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they’re to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they’ll first have to survive the night. 

A whirlwind romp careening toward a last-girl-standing conclusion and a scathing indictment of contemporary American media culture, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is also a love story: between star-crossed lesbians who rise above their intolerant town, a deeply ambivalent woman and her budding self-actualization, and a chosen family of misfit islanders forging community against all odds.

As a Dutch person I need to start any rant about reality television with an apology because it was actually a Dutch television company that came up with Big Brother. In their defense, the first season was meant to actually be insightful. But this quickly turned into the circus it is now. So, mea culpa. It remains true, however, that reality television is ubiquitous right now and that much of it is not great, or even good. Much of it depends on negative stereotypes of women, POC, and queer people, even if the shows themselves pretend to go "woke". But I nonetheless also feel the pull of it, the thrill of peeking into someone else's life and getting to judge them from a distance. But there are real people involved, with real feelings, and while we may think of it as fake, for some of them it is their life and livelihood on the line. Enter Patricia Wants to Cuddle, which at once satirises the entire genre while also being a heartfelt investigation of womanhood and self-actualisation. 

While Patricia is central to the blurb, she is a largely peripheral figure for much of Patricia Wants to Cuddle. Central are the four women semi-finalists of "The Catch", and the female producer, each hoping to get something worthwhile out of this season. For some, it actually is love. For others it is money, recognition, a chance at proving themselves. And so they find themselves on Otters Island which, while beautiful, is also remote and a little odd. This island will be where secrets are revealed, where some women will finally find themselves, and where Patricia simply wants to cuddle. While much of Patricia Wants to Cuddle is hilarious and strongly aimed at taking the piss out of reality television, it is also a novel about self-discovery. Interspersed in the plot are letters from two women deeply in love in a town where this is not allowed. It adds a sense of realism, shows that love is something much weightier than "The Catch" pretends it to be. Love is not always easy, it is not a competition, it can be life and death. As Patricia comes to a conclusion, the overwhelming message that remains is that the most important thing is to live a life in which you can be yourself. The novel impresses upon the reader, despite all the fun along the way, that you are allowed to be, that you deserve a place where you are home and safe, and that sometimes this requires a mysterious specter.

This is my first book by Samantha Allen but, as far as I can see these themes, of finding a home and living queer and free, run throughout her writing. Billed as a horror comedy, Patricia Wants to Cuddle plays with these themes as well in a way that is at once irreverent and affirming. It tiptoes on the fine line between the two and for some readers it may lean to for one way or the other. The novel is told from different perspectives, interspersed with letters and blog posts and internet threads about the show. Each adds something in their own way, even if not every perspective felt equally real to me. What grounds the novel for me is the story of one of the contestants, Renee. Her heart isn't in the competition because she is still figuring out what her heart wants. She is also dealing with being the only Black woman to have ever made it this far in the show and she really doesn't know if that is a good thing or not. She feels aimless and lost, until she gets to Otters Island and finds out there could be a different way to live. While her choices may feel extreme to some, her desire for a place to rest and just be struck a chord. I can't wait to read more by Samantha Allen!

I give this novel...

4 Universes!

Patricia Wants to Cuddle is absurd in all the best ways. You may think you know where it is going, but Allen will surprise you at every corner.