Review: 'The Incurable Romantic: And Other Tales of Madness and Desire' by Frank Tallis

Nothing gets me quite as excited as books or films that dig into the human psyche. Whether it is psychological thrillers, suspense movies or genuine historical accounts, I want to know why we’re all mad. So of course Frank Tallis’ The Incurable Romantic caught my eye straightaway. What more could I possible ask for than for a veteran psychologist to walk me through the madness of love? Thanks to Perseus Books, Basic Books and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. 

Pub. Date: 18/9/2018
Publisher: Perseus Books; Basic Books

A psychologist explores the intersection of love and madness through the riveting stories of the patients he has treated

In The Incurable Romantic, Frank Tallis recounts the extraordinary stories of patients who are, quite literally, madly in love: a woman becomes utterly convinced that her dentist is secretly infatuated with her and drives him to leave the country; a man destroys his massive fortune through trysts with over three thousand prostitutes--because his ego requires that they fall in love with him; a beautiful woman's pathological jealousy destroys the men who love her. Along the way, we learn a great deal about the history of psychiatry and the role of neuroscience in addressing disordered love. Elegantly written and infused with deep sympathy, The Incurable Romantic shows how all of us can become a bit crazy in love.

I am fascinated by the human mind because it is such a mystery. Why do we do the things we do? How do we explain our actions to ourselves? What is right and what is wrong? Throughout the past centuries there have been many different explanations for why some people act outside the boundaries of what we consider normal. Many of those explanations were rooted in misogyny or racism and we’re only slowly ridding ourselves of those prejudices, but that doesn’t mean we’re any closer to figuring ourselves out. And then add to all that confusion the intoxication of love. It’s the tropiest of tropes, we’ll do anything for love, but according to Frank Tallis that is truer than we might expect. We humans will go to extremely lengths to get and justify our loves and desires, even if it goes against all logic. For Tallis ‘love sickness’ is not something to call angsty teenagers, but rather a diagnosis that should be taken seriously. You can imagine just how quickly The Incurable Romantic hooked me! 

 In each chapter, Frank Tallis introduces us to one of his patients and each is more fascinating than the last. There is an old woman who has a surprising reason for missing he recently deceased husband., a man who knows just how wrong his attraction to young girls is but can’t seem to stop it, and a woman who is so madly in love nothing will convince her that her feelings aren’t reciprocated. What emerged from the novel for me was the realization that none of us really know how to handle love. There is a biological instinct that supports it. After all, if parents love each other they are more likely to create a stable home for offspring. On the other hand, dying of a broken heart is a very real thing so why would any of us even risk it? Tallis is very honest as he describes the cases, showing us his own doubts and worries about patients, his own fears he may not be doing enough and his own short comings as a partner. This adds to the humanity of his patients and makes it just that little bit easier for the reader to admit that they also don’t have a clue what they’re doing. 

 Frank Tallis doesn’t deep dive into the theoretical side of it all too much, this isn’t a technical book, there is no guide on how to diagnose yourself here. The Incurable Romantic feels like you’ve caught up with an old professor for coffee who is now finally ready to tell you all about his cases. There is something cozy and gentle to The Incurable Romantic that prevents it from being judgmental. At times there is a curious lack of detail when it comes to the different cases, especially in regards to time as the book seemingly spans all the decades of Tallis’ long career. I still don’t know when he saw these people, and at times it makes the cases seem almost unreal. Has anyone in The Incurable Romantic heard of the internet? This curious lack of time adds to the haziness of the book that might frustrate readers looking for more understanding. In the end, I appreciated The Incurable Romantic for the insight that it gave me, both into others and myself. 

I give this book...

3 Universes!

The Incurable Romantic is a great read for anyone who wants to do a shallow deep dive into the human mind. This book is a gentle stroll through the field of psychology and although some of its cases might disturb the reader, Tallis soothes over it with his companionable writing style. The Incurable Romantic makes for a great coffee table book that is just different enough to spark interesting conversations.