Review: 'Girl A' by Abigail Dean, narr. by Holliday Grainger

 I wanted to read Girl A from pretty much the moment I first heard about it, even though I realized pretty quickly that it would be a rough read, or in my case, listen. I ended up getting a lot more from Dean's novel than I had expected.

Pub. Date: 2/2/2021
Audible Publisher: HarperCollins
Audible Pub. Date: 1/21/2021

Lex Gracie doesn't want to think about her family. She doesn't want to think about growing up in her parents' House of Horrors. And she doesn't want to think about her identity as Girl A: the girl who escaped, the eldest sister who freed her older brother and four younger siblings. It's been easy enough to avoid her parents--her father never made it out of the House of Horrors he created, and her mother spent the rest of her life behind bars. But when her mother dies in prison and leaves Lex and her siblings the family home, she can't run from her past any longer. Together with her sister, Evie, Lex intends to turn the House of Horrors into a force for good. But first she must come to terms with her siblings - and with the childhood they shared.

Usually when I pick my audiobooks I pick books that I could fall asleep to, that have that solid British narrator and Classics sticker, like The Lord of the Rings or Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. But Girl A does not fit that category, although Grainger has a lovely British accent of course. So instead of losing myself in fantasy, I kept myself highly keyed up and alert. I listened to Girl A while I was travelling in August, when I spent like 16 hours on the train, and while the beautiful scenery passed me by I dipped into psychological horror. It was an odd yet effective contrast, which showed that despite all the beauty in the world sometimes the darkness is still there. And also that despite all the darkness, beauty is still all around.

Lex is Girl A, an identity she is never quite able to shake despite her outward success. And now her mother has died in prison and she has been called to be the executor of her will. As she gets in touch with her other siblings we get flashbacks to their horrifying childhood, to the slow but steady creep from 'slightly odd family' to full on horror. Since we mostly see things from Lex' perspective, we only get to kind-off know the people in her life. She still keeps things at a distance and only briefly lets glimpses slip through of how deeply she cares, how often she is affected by things. Girl A is built up so meticulously that rather than shocking twists and turns, Dean creates a slow atmosphere of dread and claustrophobia that is chocking by the end. Lex is beautifully written, full of complexity and contradictions, but with so much hope and love at the heart of her. Girl A paints a complex picture, one that can be reduced to 'ooh scary' but one that has so much more to offer if you take a closer look.

While Girl A is frequently marked as a thriller I don't know if that is the right word for what Abigail Dean has written. Her novel isn't set up as a 'whodunnit', since that is clear from the beginning. While there are shocking reveals of abuse, it isn't presented in a 'gotcha' kind of way. Abigail Dean, in my opinion, has written a book about child abuse and neglect, without resorting to sensationalism, without setting us up for twists and turns. While there are major reveals throughout Girl A, they are part of the exploration of Lex' character. They are shocking because you can't help but care for her, not because Dean lingers on horrifying details. There are very difficult moments in Girl A, which may not be suitable to all readers, but they are never exploited for drama. Rather, Dean shows how complex trauma and recovery are, the long process of healing and how some wounds simply refuse to ever quite heal. Girl A explores guilt, culpability, victimhood, love, forgiving but not forgetting, and choosing how to move forward. Holliday Grainger did a beautiful job with the narration, balancing the hope and confusion of Lex as a child with her bitterness and confusion as an adult. Grainger's clear enunciation and bringing to life of each character greatly added to my experience with Girl A and I would love to listen to further audiobooks by her!

I give this (audio-)book...

4 Universes!

I went into Girl A thinking I would get a scary thriller, but I ended up getting something much deeper and more profound. Abigail Dean has crafted a painful but intimate story of trauma and recovery, which I would highly recommend.